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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24655882">Freak Of Nature; or, 'Okay'</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefriendyouleftinthehallway/pseuds/thefriendyouleftinthehallway'>thefriendyouleftinthehallway</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Pushing Daisies</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Accidental Death, Angst, Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dialogue Heavy, Gallows Humor, Gen, S02E03 'Bad Habits' references, Self-Harm, Sort Of, it's just very out of place in the context, kind of not really, sort of but that's more a warning/precaution, the death is NOT a major character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 03:54:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,400</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24655882</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefriendyouleftinthehallway/pseuds/thefriendyouleftinthehallway</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The priest reached towards Ned, hands ready to wrap tight around the pie-maker’s wrists, but Ned tried to push the man away. As Father Ed’s hand was met by Ned’s swat, there was a sudden, blue spark. Father Ed fell down. Dead.<br/>…<br/>But he had never made the priest alive-again in the first place. He had killed the priest.</p>
<p>---</p>
<p>(I honestly don't know what this is. It's kind of a bizarre mix of angst and offbeat humour.)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Charlotte "Chuck" Charles &amp; Ned, Charlotte "Chuck" Charles &amp; Olive Snook, Emerson Cod &amp; Ned, Ned &amp; Olive Snook</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Freak Of Nature; or, 'Okay'</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is absolutely not an accurate depiction of religious beliefs and attitudes; it’s a silly, over-dramatised excuse for a weird angst plot. Doesn’t really have any continuity consistency with the actual episode ‘Bad Habits’.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Anything that’s bothering you,” the priest offered. “Tell me.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ned hadn’t meant to. But there was something hypnotic about the cool confessional, the pressing silence through the heavy curtains. It was gentle, lulling. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I wake the dead,” Ned blurted. He hadn’t meant to. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Though he couldn’t see Father Ed, he heard the sharp inhale, and could imagine the wide eyes, the fear, the anger. But he just kept talking. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s why I’m here. I brought Sister Larue back from the dead to ask her how she died, and then I made her dead again. I did it to my mother, too. And Sister Christian, but Sister Christian isn’t really Sister Christian, she’s actually ‘Lonely Tourist’ Charlotte Charles. Only I didn’t make her dead again, so the funeral director died instead, just like her father died in place of my mother when we were children.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>The curtain to the confessional swung open sharply, to reveal Father Ed bearing down upon Ned with something deadly -- fear? hatred? -- in his eyes. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What are you?” asked the priest, his voice shaking with fury. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ned scrambled back further into the booth, away from the priest who suddenly seemed as though he were a mid-level predator preparing to defend its young. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t know,” Ned answered. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“A freak of nature,” the priest said, “who finds it within his right to alter the course of life and death. To play with fate, and the very fabric of natural order! Who are you to play God?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I don’t-- I don’t-- I don’t--” Ned stammered, trying to push himself back further, but only meeting the wall harder. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“A necromancer,” the priest said, accusing. “A creature of the Devil. You couldn’t hope to drag the souls of the innocent back into this life. You are creating abominations.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No,” Ned said. “I can’t help it! It just happens!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So it is ingrained into your very nature. You, my son, are beyond saving. I am afraid your soul, have you one at all, is damned to Hell.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No, no, no,” Ned said. “It was an accident. Mostly. A little bit. Please don’t tie me up and burn me at the stake.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The priest paused, and then an expression halfway between a scowl and a smile formed in his features. “Perhaps your soul can be saved after all,” he said. “Through suffering and flames you will be cleansed.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The priest reached towards Ned, hands ready to wrap tight around the pie-maker’s wrists, but Ned tried to push the man away. As Father Ed’s hand was met by Ned’s swat, there was a sudden, blue spark. Father Ed fell down. Dead. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ned breathed quickly, fingers still buzzing where they’d touched the now-dead man’s skin. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh God,” Ned muttered. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He pulled the tab from his collar and undid the first few buttons, trying to breathe. He couldn’t. He had made the priest <em> dead </em>. But he had never made the priest alive-again in the first place. He had killed the priest. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>How? He’d never done this before. He didn’t even know it was possible. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>He tripped out of the confessional and scurried away from the body. But then he changed course, leant over the body and tried to lift it. He wasn’t sure where he would take it. Away. The priest opened his eyes with a golden flash, causing Ned to drop him. The man grabbed Ned’s hand, another blue flash, and once again he was still. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ned bent over, hands on his knees. He was dizzy, breathing hard. He gagged. Then he lifted the body again, carrying it as he supported it over his shoulder. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Suddenly, Olive burst into the room at a half-sprint. “Father Ed--” she stopped. “Ned? What are you doing?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ned dropped the body as if it had burned him. “Nothing!” he said. “I found him like this.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Jiminy Krispies. What do you think happened to him?” Olive asked. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I-- I--” Ned stammered.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>He hyperventilated hard, and a wave of lightheadedness slammed into him, causing him to stagger to the side, falling to his knees. There, he vomited. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ew,” Olive said, stepping away from the mess. “Ned? Are you alright?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I-- I-- I--” he tried again. “I didn’t mean to,” he finally spat out. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Tears formed in his eyes as he sat on the floor, hugging his knees to his chest and pushing himself up against the wall. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You didn’t--?” Olive said questioningly, and her eyes fell on Father Ed. “Oh, Ned. Is he…”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He’s dead,” Ned said. “It was an accident. He went to grab me. I didn’t mean to. Oh, God, I didn’t mean to.” He let out a broken sob as the tears in his eyes rolled down his cheeks. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Olive’s hand flew up to her mouth. “Oh, Ned,” she mumbled. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Then she leant down, and made to hug him. Suddenly, he jerked away. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No!” he cried. “Don’t touch me!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>‘O… Okay,” Olive said. “It’s okay. Ned, what <em> happened </em>?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He was trying to hurt me,” Ned whispered. “I panicked. I tried to push him off. He fell down, just… dead.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You pushed him and he fell? He hit his head?” Olive asked, trying to make sense of it. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I guess,” Ned said. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I’ll get Emerson,” Olive said. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ned bristled, but then looked down. “Okay. Emerson.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As Olive scurried off, Ned sat and thought. What was he even going to <em> say </em>to Emerson? ‘Yeah, that gift thing. Turns out it goes both ways when I panic’? Moreover, how could he explain anything with Olive hanging over them both? </p>
<p> </p>
<p>When Olive led Emerson into the room, he immediately went behind a veneer of professionalism. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“If you would be so kind, Itty-Bitty, me and my <em> associate </em>need to talk. In private.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>As soon as Olive lets out her inevitable huff of indignation and walks her four-feet-of-fire self out of the room, Emerson rounds on Ned. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“The hell is going on here?” the PI demands. “You kill this guy?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It was an accident,” Ned blurts. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Well your <em> accident </em> is gonna be a hell of a lot harder to clean up than most,” Emerson says. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I didn’t know it went the other way,” Ned whispered, panicked. He was hyperventilating again. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Emerson froze. “What?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I didn’t know. I was scared. I touched him and he just… dropped.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“And you ain’t never touched him before?” Emerson asked. Ned nodded. “You sure?” Ned nodded again. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Your magic finger magically <em> killed </em>someone,” Emerson said. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ned sobbed again, fresh tears rolling down his cheeks. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Don’t get weepy on me now,” Emerson urged. “We gotta do something with the body. Hide it, I don’t know!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Emerson sighed. “Cause if you turn yourself in they’re gonna notice a hell of a lack of trauma to this guy’s skull. Then they’re gonna start asking questions. Then you’re gonna end up on the wrong side of a vivisection.” A beat. “And you’re very financially advantageous to the business.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ned tried to steady his swimming head. He took a slow breath and pulled himself to his feet. Then he grabbed Father Ed’s corpse by the ankles while Emerson held it about the shoulders, and in the shroud of nightly darkness, they carried the body away from the convent, and deep into the woods. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Olive had yet another secret to keep. Something greater, more intense than all the rest. Murder. Although she felt the need to return home after all this time and after her grating work at the nunnery had become trying, now she was there, in close proximity with Chuck, and knowing <em> so much </em>she had to keep quiet. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>It was driving her mad. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Olive?” Chuck asked. “You haven’t spoken a word since you got back.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Olive’s apartment was Chuck’s now. But they shared it between them. The waitress shook her head. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You know if there’s something wrong you can tell me,” Chuck said gently. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can’t!” Olive burst out. “Oh, I’ve got a million secrets all bubbling up inside of me and I just can’t tell anyone!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Secrets? What secrets?” Chuck asked. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Olive groaned. “Oh! Yours, Lily’s, Ned’s!”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lily-- what? Wait, you know Ned’s secret?” Chuck asked. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Olive blinked. “What secret are <em> you </em>talking about?” she asked hysterically. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What secret am <em> I </em> talking about? What secret are <em> you </em> talking about?” Chuck said. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ned killed Father Ed,” Olive blurted, and then she slapped her hands over her mouth, but not before she could also say, secrets tumbling out of her, pressure finally released: “And Lily’s your mother.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Lily’s my mother?” Chuck said. “That’s… that’s lovely. But <em> what </em> did Ned do?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ned killed Father Ed,” Olive breathed, eyes wide. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He-- he <em> killed </em> Father Ed? How?” Chuck demanded, sounding panicked. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“He wouldn’t say,” Olive said. “From what I understand, Father Ed attacked him, and Ned pushed him off and Father Ed fell and, I don’t know, hit his head or something.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh my God,” Chuck said. “Oh my <em> God </em>.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Olive said quietly. “It’s intense.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Olive, Ned hasn’t spoken to me all day. He’s been holed up in his apartment all by himself. He must feel <em> awful </em>. Oh, what if he hurts himself?” Chuck said, growing more panicked by the second. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Hurts himself? I’ve never known Ned to be the type,” Olive said, placing a reassuring hand on Chuck’s arm. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Chuck breathed. “You’re right. We should leave him alone, let him calm down and process. I’m sure he’s fine.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Exactly,” Olive said. “Now what secret were <em> you </em>talking about?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Olive, I can’t <em> tell </em>you. Then it wouldn’t be a secret!” Chuck said. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Olive sighed. “Probably for the best.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ned sobbed into the pillow, only pulling his face away from the downy parcel to inhale a shaky breath, catching and jerking in his throat as he whimpered in sorrow and more tears fell down his cheeks. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Digby whined in the corner, wishing he could comfort his master with a kiss and a cuddle, but knowing such actions would ultimately have the opposite effect as they would result in the golden dog’s immediate demise. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Digby barked softly when Ned placed his own wrist in his mouth and bit down hard, trying to distract himself from crying. It worked for a few seconds before he started again, pressing his face into the cushion. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>With that, there was a gentle knock at the door. Wiping his face and steadying his breathing to something that was only <em> slightly </em>hyperventalitive, he walked unsteadily to the front door, opening it. There he found Olive, in a robe, on his doorstep. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Olive?” he said, his voice thin and strained from tears. “What are you doing here?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Olive sighed. “Ned, my parents’ marriage was already failing before I was even born. The walls aren’t that thick, and neither is your pillow. I know what muffled crying sounds like.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh,” Ned muttered quietly. He stood there, not sure what to do. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So can I come in?” Olive prompted. “Chuck’s asleep. I just don’t want you to be alone.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Um…” Ned said. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I brought ice-cream.” She held up a little carton. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Um. Sure, okay,” Ned said. He stepped to the side and let her in. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>They sat next to each other on the couch, slowly eating the chocolate ice-cream with their respective spoons. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“So,” Olive began. “Chuck may have accidentally said something about you having <em> another </em>secret.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ned froze. “Did you tell her--?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It was an accident!” Olive said. “She doesn’t hate you or anything. She was only worried about your feeling bad.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ned looked down. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Do you wanna tell me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What?” Ned asked. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Your other secret,” Olive said. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You’re being nosy,” said Ned. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It has been said of me, yes,” Olive said defensively. “But lately I’ve found myself in possession of far too many secrets, and in my own humble experience it’s very, very stressful to keep them to yourself all day. So. Do you wanna tell me?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No!” Ned said hurriedly, and Olive looked slightly affronted for a moment. “It’s not you,” he clarified. “I just… they’re <em> secrets </em> . For <em> reasons </em>. There are things I can’t tell anybody.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“What if you just told me the bits you can say,” Olive suggested. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“No,” Ned said. “None of the secrets make any sense when you don’t have the context of the secret secrets.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“You could just <em> try </em>,” Olive said. “Just to get it off your chest. It doesn’t really matter if I don’t understand, does it?”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ned’s hand tightened around the spoon. He looked caught; conflicted. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay,” he muttered. “I’ll try.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Olive smiled and settled back into the couch. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“When I was nine, my mother died,” Ned began, and Olive’s smile immediately dropped. “And so I may have accidentally inadvertently killed Chuck’s dad.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Olive’s mouth fell into a soft ‘o’. “What--”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I can’t explain,” Ned said. “That would involve the secret secrets.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Right…” Olive said, a little shell-shocked. “Sounds like you had a rough childhood.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“It wasn’t particularly bizarre or special or unique. I didn’t have many friends. My father abandoned me after my mother died for a family he’d started when my mother was still alive -- another woman and two kids. I haven’t seen him since, but he told me he’d come back. I guess he lied. People lie all the time. Fathers cheat and abandon their kids all the time. It’s nothing special, certainly nothing to dwell on and be damaged by and think about every moment of your life.” Ned took a quick breath after having blurted it all so fast. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Olive blinked back a few small, sympathetic tears. This was… more complicated than she’d expected. She didn’t think she could help. She didn’t know <em> what </em>to do. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I think I have to go,” Olive said. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ned shrugged. She ran away. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>---</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Ned, you haven’t really spoken for a few days,” Chuck said. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ned took a forceful bite of spaghetti. “I spoke to Olive,” he whispered. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Yeah,” Chuck said. “She told me.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“My gift works a little different than I realised. Everyone wants to talk about it,” Ned said. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“That’s how Father Ed… died?” Chuck asked. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I touched him,” Ned said. “He dropped.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Oh, Ned--” Chuck began.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“I have a built-in defense mechanism. Like a platypus barb or a snake venom sack, except I can’t control it. It’s new information. Things have changed a little. That’s… okay. Things change all the time. Life goes on. So they tell me.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ned didn't really sound like it was okay. But Chuck had to believe that life went on. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Okay,” she said. “It’ll be okay.”</p>
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